By the time anyone is going to read this it’ll be well past the point of the middle of the month. However, I took the time to write about a variety of topics so far. I’ve missed a few days because it has just been hell-month (really and truly) with regard to time and time management, but I seem to be working my way toward catching up.
There are a handful of things I’ve learned about myself so far while participating in the #Blaugust event, and that’s I am not alone in my many of my poor writing habits and endeavors. Many people want to write, but it’s difficult for everyone to sit down and get the job done.
While I’m only truly competing with myself, this has taught me a lot about myself as a writer and what methods work for me now.
When I was younger I used to do a lot of writing. I mean, a lot of writing. And I never seemed to be able to find that kind of time. Or that kind of energy. Or that kind of motivation.
I miss being able to sit down and write in that sing-song, poeticly vague way I used to. On the other side of the coin, I don’t miss being that angsty either. Or feeling as though I need to share everything going on in my life. I do have a blog that has no association or tie to anything ever that I write some of the more intimate details of my life on. It’s rare and sporadic that I use it. It’s a true “brain dump” blog that I don’t think is fair for anyone to know it’s me.
It’s where I can be me, unfiltered, and not worry about what people will think of me.
I guess that’s the crux of my problem with writing, really. I fear people won’t like me very much because of the things that I write. I also worry that people will judge me for the topics that I choose to write.
So August has been good for me too, in spite of all of the school stuff and real life stuff I’ve been having to deal with. I’ve pushed aside that little voice that keeps telling me that no one gives a fuck anyway. Not quite the same as the depression voice, but the one that keeps you from being creative on your own terms.
Here’s to completing the rest of the months worth of blog posts!
This post is part of the #Blaugust series.
So it begins… Blaugust, a tale of one lady’s attempt to write on a regularly basis because… well, I fuckin’ need this in my life right now.
I keep thinking back to the days when I wrote more regularly. I can’t really say that I was more organized, or that I had anything prolific to share, or that I even wrote very well. I just enjoyed writing. At some point I went from writing because I loved it to feeling as though I needed to write something that people would want to read. And that fear always keeps me from sitting down and doing the thing that needs to be done… y’know, the writing bit.
I don’t expect any brilliance for the month of August. There’s a shitton of stuff going on in my personal life. Which means this is probably the worst time in my life to try to take on something like blogging daily. But also the best time of my life to sort of work through everything that’s going on too.
For those that don’t know, my grandmother passed away last week. I got an email from my dad (this is for another day and another post) telling me. I’ve never been much of a family person. I don’t really do family. Mostly because there’s this tendency to have to “answer to my crimes” of being a bleeding heart liberal. And choosing to do the work that I do. I also have my school residency, which is an out-of-town week-long event that if I don’t do it, I can’t continue on in my program*.
Then you add actual work stuff I need to do. Twitter drama (when am I not involved in some twitter drama). Friend stuff (A lot of people are going through a lot of stuff so I do what I can to help them out when needed). And just general malaise over my life.
I came to several realizations the other night in the shower, especially in terms of writing and where I’d like to go with writing. I spend a lot of time being hyper-focused on the minutae of nonsense that I forget about doing the most important part. So Blaugust came at one of the most perfect times of my life, I think. When I was thinking of getting more into writing anyway, and trying to make that a reality. It’s a little early for post one, I know, so I’m not going to count this one as an entry into the self-competing contest. Instead I chalk this up to a warning that writing is gonna happen. Mostly words. Few pictures. No videos. Just a lot of… life.
P.S. I’m not going to limit my writing to any one subject, like gaming, or school, or life, or online dating (which I gave up anyway), or political/feminist issues. I’m going to just write for me.
P.P.S. There’s a comment policy. I’m gonna follow it and uphold it. You should familiarize yourself with it if you wanna hang out and share words.
* I’m studying to be a marriage and family therapist (MFT) so don’t be surprised if some of my posts this month involve school and this career field.